In My Golden Years I Was A Thief
Elise had a secret.
A very important secret.
It was of the sort that could ruin lives and change the workings of the universe—or something to that effect. Elise wasn’t quite keen on dramatics, but really, this was a very big secret. And she had to tell someone.
Not because she was interested in gossiping, but because some secrets were simply too much to be kept to oneself.
This one could get someone reprimanded or at the very least, shunned for the rest of the day; and she had to share it, because vice presidents were not known for turning a blind eye to a problem like this. Still, it didn’t help that Elise herself had to be at the receiving end of it.
It started on a Monday.
Not just the burden of having her consciousness still delusional from post-weekend syndrome — all the strange things in Elise’s life began on Mondays. It would be better if they were just outlawed, she thought, but then perhaps that would make Tuesdays the new Mondays, so that probably wouldn’t be as effective either.
Her wallet had been stolen on a Monday. And she knew who had stolen it.
It was early, and there was no one in the room but her and her best friend Brianna, who was sleeping with her head rested on a Biology book. Elise perched near her, casting a quick glance around before prodding Brianna’s side.
“Wake up,” Elise demanded. “We have to talk. There’s something you need to know.”
Brianna made a noise before rubbing her eyes. “Do you have any idea what time I slept last night?” said Brianna, yawning. “Look, I fancy a VG as much as the next student, but I do need to sleep on occasion.”
“Stop whining,” Elise scolded. “I have a secret to tell you. It’s about Stella.”
Brianna grunted. “Yeah, that’s real exciting.”
Rolling her eyes, Elise told her the secret anyway.
At her declaration, Brianna blinked. “You didn’t know that before?”
It was Elise’s turn to blink now. “You mean you did?”
Brianna waved sheepishly. “I thought everyone knew.”
“And you never bothered to tell me?” Elise was incredulous.
“Well, it is a secret.”
Elise glowered at her.
“How did you find out anyway?” Brianna asked.
“How do you think?” Elise snapped.
“Oh. Oh.”
At recess, Elise observed her fellow classmates and the way they interacted. It was the status quo with everyone pretending things were just fine – but Elise knew better.
Halfway through her dessert, someone caught her eye. It took her a moment to realize the person wasn’t staring at her, but at her wallet. The same wallet that had been found empty just days ago. And then she had an idea.
Before Math, Elise left the cafeteria and followed the others. But instead of turning left for class, she turned towards the other side of the building. Three rights, two lefts, and one staircase later, Elise managed to corner Grace in the comfort room.
Considering Grace was three inches taller than her, she shouldn’t have looked as nervous as she did, but Elise reckoned it had something to do with the pen she brandished.
“I won’t keep you long,” Elise said. “I abhor tardiness, but I have a question for you.”
“If this is about Sir —”
“It’s not.” Elise waved her free hand dismissively.
“The IW thing I can explain,” Grace blurted out.
Elise blinked. “It’s not about that either. This is about Stella.”
Grace paled slightly, and Elise crossed her arms expectantly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Grace said, fumbling towards the door.
Elise stepped directly into her path. “Harassing you would be too much work. I just want to know how it happened.”
Grace looked thoughtful for a moment, then looked around and lowered her voice. “I promised I’d let her win for tennis.”
Elise sighed. “You play too fair to fix a game, Grace. Everyone knows that.”
“I told her that the Ancient Peruvians thought people who could successfully pickpocket were meant to be great leaders. Brianna has this book called Great Kleptomaniacs of the Last Fourteen Centuries —“
Elise arched an eyebrow. Eventually, Grace sighed.
“Fine,” she said. “I told her you had money for Christmas shopping.”
Elise conducted more inquiries on other people. It was only during PE class, however, that she was forced to consider drastic measures, and she would have – had she not stumbled upon a rather intriguing scene along her way to the comfort room.
As it turned out, the comfort room wasn’t as empty as the occupants thought, and Elise only had to consider the other girl for several seconds before leaving.
What she saw certainly explained a lot about the secret.
Elise didn’t belong to the same club as Stella, nevertheless, she found herself waiting outside their venue. When her target finally came into view, Elise was quick to the point.
“This was your doing, wasn’t it?” Elise asked her suddenly.
Stella snorted. “You’re smart for coming to that conclusion, but hopeless for thinking I’d confirm it.”
“You stole my money,” Elise hissed. “Five thousand pesos’ worth of it.”
Stella was suddenly taken aback.
“Five thousand worth for Christmas shopping,” Elise insisted.
Stella looked at her curiously. “Excuse me?”
“Excuse what?” Elise challenged. “Excuse the way you were staring at my wallet, or why everyone thinks I’m friends with a kleptomaniac?”
“I don’t believe this,” Stella sputtered. “You’re accusing me of having a mental disorder because I happen to like a packet of fabric.”
“So you don’t enjoy the marvels of theft, then,” Elise droned sarcastically. “I find that hard to believe. According to my records, there have been twelve thousand pesos missing and...” Pausing mid-sentence, Elise quirked her upper lip. “I think you know where this is going.”
“Like you have any evidence to prove it,” Stella said, stiffening. “Where did you get your information from, anyway? Twelve thousand bucks has gone missing, but already twenty-three people have had their belongings stolen from them.”
“What?” This unsettled Elise, whose eyes bulged with exaggerated awe. “Ah, it seems that even my sources can be off.”
They were both silent for a minute. Elise couldn’t believe how unnerving it was when dishonest people told the truth.
“You liar,” Stella said incredulously. “You made that up just so I’d tell you how many people the thief stole from.”
“Twenty-three.” Now Elise looked smug. “That’s quite formidable. It appears that I underestimated you.”
Stella drew an uneven breath and raised her arms in surrender. “I give up. Nothing I say will change your mind.”
Elise drawled tiredly, “Tell me something I don’t know. Maybe we can talk about how hardheaded you are.”
Stella shot her a pointed look. “That conversation will not be a long one, considering the type of person I’m talking to.”
“You’re right.” Elise stated. “I think I’d rather talk about the expression on your face when I caught you sneaking my pencil case near the sink.”
"So what?” Stella spat. “Maybe the kleptomaniac was a bit angry. Lord knows she wasn’t the only one.”
“And you weren’t,” Elise told her frankly, “but stealing someone’s pencil case because you feel a little angry makes me wonder what would happen when you are really mad.”
Stella grimaced. “That’s not what I meant. Elise, for what it’s worth, I know you’ll think this stupid, but—”
“Finally, we agree on something,” Elise interrupted.
“Let me finish!” Stella glared. “Yes, I’ve stolen things. But listen – ugh, wipe that smirk off your face – you have to believe me when I say I’ve never stolen money.” She hesitated. “The person actually responsible for your situation is, well…”
Stella told her the secret.
--- ---
“I hate Mondays,” said Elise.
Elise accompanied Brianna to the cafeteria. A bit dazed, she did not greet the people around her. Elise fastened her schoolbag and began to walk briskly. She felt used, and humiliated.
“How did it go with Stella?” Brianna asked, poking her head into her line of vision.
Elise sighed, shaking her head. “Very strangely.”
Brianna forced a chuckle. “Did she, ah, say something upsetting?”
“She’s Stella. She is upsetting.” Rolling her eyes, Elise sat on a bench and pulled out her wallet. “My head hurts.”
“Migraine?” Brianna sat alongside her.
Elise buried her face in her palms. “Yeah, and I need a drink. You?”
“A sandwich sounds fun.”
“How much do you have left?” came Elise’s muffled reply.
Elise could feel the tension ripple in Brianna’s limbs, and she sensed that Brianna’s other arm was moving. Elise peeked through her hands, expecting a hug, but Brianna reached for something else behind her. She saw what needed to be seen.
“Just enough.” Brianna smiled as her fingers curled possessively around Elise’s wallet.
Obscured by all the testimonies was only one reality. Everything else was either a fabrication, or a variation thereof, so the idea that Elise’s best friend had a severe case of kleptomania was just one potential ending out of hundreds.
Elise didn’t like that ending for that secret, so she was just going to have to tell another one.
-Tiffany Conde
III-C
